Continuing My Education

On Mother’s Day 2011, Abby was a little over two weeks away from having Eliza and we had just moved into the house.  Since then I have learned many things:

I thought I knew what it was to be responsible.  There is professional responsibility, fiscal responsibility, legal responsibility, tax-paying responsibility, moral responsibility, paying-the-bills responsibility, keeping-the-wife-happy responsibility, house-upkeep responsibility.  All of them pale in comparison to parental responsibility.  If you screw up you not only may ruin your life, but you will undoubtedly ruin the life of your child.  Happy procreation!

I thought I knew that child rearing would be expensive.  But not quite this expensive.

I thought I knew how much I would enjoy being a parent.  Nothing quite compares to playing with Eliza or making her laugh.  Or simply watching her play.  Or seeing her excited to see a dog.  Or seeing her look back at you as she walks with her push toy with the face, “C’mon and chase me already!”  Or playing peek-a-boo with her.  Or driving to work as she babbles away.  Or her little whimpers when she is hungry and sees her bottle.  Or her frustrated-waving-arms.  I’m not obsessed; I’m promise.

I thought briefly waking up in the middle in the night to attend to Eliza wouldn’t be that bad.  For some reason the interruption of sleep in the deep of the night, even a five to ten minute one, is exhausting.  I guess we need our REM sleep.

I thought I knew what it was to be scared.  I dunno what is scarier:  knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what is wrong with your child because she is unable to verbalize or knowing that your child is scared.  It was truly frightening when either happened.

I thought I knew how much more free time I would have.  The actual free time I do have is not even close to my original projections.  What a stupid thought in retrospect.

I thought I knew how smart babies are.  Every day Eliza does something to remind me how intelligent and how quickly babies develop.  What I find particularly incredible is how well she can process facial clues.  She understands happy, sad, mean, playful, serious.  I underestimated how smart they are.

I thought I knew how much I loved Abby.  To see her happy—not new-things happy or satisfied happy, but truly happy—with Eliza is one of the most fulfilling moments I have.  And to know she is a great mother who will always be there for Eliza fills me with joy.  No matter how close I am to Eliza, there will always be a special connection between Abby and Eliza.  My hope is that as a husband and father I will always facilitate, encourage, and further strengthen their special connection. 

Happy Mother’s Day to my lovely wife.